Thoughts and Comments

Kasamba put the wrong words to a children’s Purim song on her blog and after my initial chuckle I immediately began to sing it in my head the right way (I know you did too!). It brought a huge smile to my face remembering how cute my kids were when they sang that when they were 3 and 4 even though at the time I am certain that I was quite sick of hearing it the by the 4,000^th rendition.

Anyway it got me thinking (no small feat) about how nice it is that wherever we are on this great planet, our kids are all learning the same things and doing the same things in school. This is what we call mesorah and it is the cornerstone of our survival. So when you say to yourself “I paid HOW MUCH for my kid to learn that song?” remember it is not just a song that he is learning but a tradition that links us with all of the previous generations.

Several years ago, after returning from a trip to Yahupitsville I was telling a non-jewish co-worker how happy I was that the place had a shul that I could go to. She asked how I was able to follow the services if I had never been there before. She was amazed when I told her that every Orthodox synagogue in the world has the same services (I know there are some differences) recited pretty much the same way as they have been for close to two thousand years (I was going with the AK”H instituting Shemonah Esrei) . I was equally amazed at the lack of any formal process or procedure in her church, basically the pastor picks a few hymns to sing and the core part of the service is his sermon. Of course, we all know Rabbi’s who think that the core part of the davening in their shul is his drasha, someone should point out to them that they have the wrong religion.

And therein lays the fundamental problem with the rest of the world, ish kol hayashar b’einav ya’asseh. All you have to do is whatever you (or someone else) decides needs to be done. It can be one thing today and the complete opposite tomorrow. Moral Authority is based on human reasoning and the concept of tradition is completely foreign.

All that from a parody of a kids Purim song that is still going around in my head, kind of like “It’s A Small World After All” stays with you for a month after you’ve been to Disneyworld (now that’s in your head too) and that’s not a bad thing after all.

We sent our son off to Yeshiva in Ellul and he came back for Succos. We sent him back after Sukkos and someone new came back for Chanukah. I am not sure yet but I think I like the new kid better. Yeah I miss the old one and after three days he was fighting with the other kids again, but not as much and not as often and most importantly not with as much enthusiasm.

It is amazing how quickly a kid can change. Although he is only a couple of hours away we did not see him for almost six weeks and I just could not beleive how he has grown (yes in all ways). I took him to see my parents before Shabbos and my father said he would not have recognized him if he bumped into him on the street. My mother says my father is crazy.

When we sent him away we were not sure how he would like being away and living in a dorm and eating yeshiva food. We said "if he makes it till Chanukah he will be OK".

When we sent him away we were not sure how we would like having him away. We said "if we make it till Chanukah we will be OK".

Never did we imagine that by Chanukah after three days at home he would be looking forward to go back.



What a humbling experience.

What a rewarding experience.

If ever there was a case where everyone was wrong, this has to be it.

I do not know how any self respecting charedi individual can support what was done to that woman.

I also think that it is incumbent on us to play nicely with others and not force our views on other people just to make a point. I do not believe for a moment that if the woman was old/handicapped/pregnant that she would have encountered the same response.

I recall hearing a story about a yeshiva bochur riding a bus that was the old fashioned kind (you know mixed seating) and having an empty seat next to him when two chiloni girls got on the bus and one said to other very loudly "watch, I will get you a seat". She then proceeded to sit next to said yeshiva bochur who simply remained in his seat and ignored her. She repeated her announcement and moved closer to him. When this elicited no response she announced it once more loudly and moved even closer and place her hand on his leg.

At this point the whole bus (that had not one other "charedi" on board) is watching and the yeshiva bochur raised his hand and slapped the girl across the face. The people on the bus reacted to his action with thundering applause and the two girls got up and left the bus at the next stop.

Point being, people need to respect the sensitivities of others. This was not a case of women being treated as second class citizens that required the heroic self-sacrifice of an activist. This was a woman who thought that her level of frumkeit was the right level and anyone who was different was wrong and she was going to teach them a lesson. She is like the girl in the story who announced that she was going to teach “them” a lesson. I do not know this for a fact but I would bet that she told everyone she knew what she was doing and was probably quite proud of herself

Again that absolutely does not mean that was done to her was right, it was probably (OK certainly) more wrong than what she did. But what she did bothers me more for one reason. She set out to deliberately start up with everyone on the bus, they just reacted.

Yes it got out of control and what was done to her was horrible, but people react strangely when confronted and often get caught up in the heat of the moment. We (Jews, ALL Jews) are supposed to better than that and be able to rise above these things but sometimes we fail and the people on the bus obviously failed the test that was put to them. But what she did was premeditated and was intended to "stir the pot", I do not think she has a right to complain that the pot was over-stirred.

I have not blogged in a while but seeing my name on Kassamba's blog list encouraged me to try again.

Blogging is hard, it takes time and effort to do it well and I have come to appreciate those that have honed their craft into something of an art form.

I have also found it easier to just read other blogs and comment than to actually think for myself (I do enough of that all day) BUT......... Kas has given me the push to try again and I will hopefully find somethng intersting to write about about soon.

Adapted from a comment I made on David's blog



Living out-of-town forces everyone to be a little more open minded and appreciative of anyone who is Shomer Shabbos. Last night I was sitting in a restaurant with someone from "in-town" who commented that it was nice to see a woman who was obviously not Jewish or at least not frum in a kosher restaurant, after all she was wearing pants and had short sleeves and a somewhat low cut shirt.

Then I told him she was frum, as once defined to me by a certain well-respected Rav (who would unfortunately, probably feel different 20 years later) Frum is shomer Shabbos and keeps kosher. Then he saw her husband with his small kippah srugah and realized his mistake.

The problem with large frum communities is that people do not interact. MO do not get to know RW and vice versa. So my kids go to school with kids whose mothers do not cover their hair and extreme rw frummies (not said negatively) and everything in between.

I have learned that some of the frumest most ehrlich people are from the former group. I can not count the number of women who cover their hair now but did not when I first met them. This can only happen in a place that is accepting of all. No one forced them they simply lived side-by-side with women who did and decided to change on their own, and if they would not have changed, that would also be ok.

I remember asking the Rav in our shul if I could eat in someone’s house because, based on appearance, these people were not as frum as me. Boy was I wrong, I wish I was as frum as them.

Sure there are houses where I am reluctant to let my kids go but that is part of it. I have, on many occasions, picked my kids up from friends because they will call to ask if they can watch a movie that is being shown and I say no. After a while you get to know the other parents. If they say Mrs. S. is showing this in her house I do not worry about the content because I trust Mrs. S. If it is Mrs. Y more often than not they are coming home. Then Mrs. Yid and I sit around and wonder what is wrong with some people.

But living in a smaller community you learn to tolerate and adjust. I am happy to be able raise my kids the way I was, that there can be a movie that is not treif (although not many anymore) and if they see it they will not get thrown out of school if anyone finds out. That is part of our job as parents, to monitor what is good and bad and what is right and wrong. It is easy to say no to everything. It is a lot harder to make decisions.

Maybe that is why so many kids go off the derech today, because parents were too restrictive and everything became treif. It is like Adam lying to Chava about touching the tree. I do not know the statistics but I would bet that as a percentage the number of MO who go off the derech is miniscule compared to the Chareidi world.

Are there benefits to only living with your own? of course, but in the long run those that do are raising a generation of intolerant people who will never be able to appreciate anyone who is not exactly like them because they will never get to know them. OUr children need to know that all people are worth respecting, all jews are worth knowing and frum Jews (of any persuasion) even more so.

So I started hanging out here and check in whenever I can, at least twice a day. I find a statement on a blog that I want to comment on and I do. How do I remember where it was so that i can go back and see if there were responses to my comments?

HELP!!!!!!!!!! I am too young to be senile, but too busy to remember things like that.

I recently started working with a bunch of people whom I had never dealt with before. I have spent months trying to earn the trust of people who do not trust me because the guy before me with the yarmulke constantly lied to them.

Why don't people realize that when they go to work with a yarmulke on their heads they have an extra obligation to be fair and honest in their dealings and to behave with mentchlichkeit in all of their inter-personal business relationships.

Now that I am finally building my own reputation, I have to constantly hear about how rotten the other guy was. I defend him whenever possible by trying to put forth a scenario where they might be misinterpreting his actions but sometimes I just have to throw my hands up and say, "do not judge me by his actions". I hate having to do this but I have no choice.

Have you ever had a life changing experience? A moment in your life when you realized that you had been given a second chance and you had better take advantage of it?

Well I did.

I hope the this place will offer me a venue to think out loud, interact with others and positively waste time when time has to be wasted.